primedirector | TLV: IC Inbox

I'm not exactly the best person to try and help you work through it. Being Catholic, I'm sort of obligated to feel guilty all the time, and then feel guilty if I don't feel guilty for some reason.

Well, I'm not... soooo.

[I mean, I know what I feel guilty about. But that's not the same as just feeling bad.]

Do you really just feel guilty like. All the time? That's legit a thing?

That's my secret super power.

And you know that's not the same thing as just feeling bad for other people.

Now I feel guilty that I'm not empathetic enough apparently.

[Never thought I'd be quoting my therapist, but...]

Okay, so does the guilt actually serve you? Does- does being guilty all the time make you actually do anything?

I don't sit around my apartment at home feeling sorry for myself, if that's what you're asking.

No, you go around delivering vigilante justice. Not sure that's winning, Matt.

There was a time I wasn't doing it, you know. I've tried giving it up before.

What made you stop? And then... un-stop. Start, again.

My friends, mostly. It puts a strain on personal relationships and I thought we accomplished something good, the right way, that meant I didn't need to do it anymore. But then it turns out that there's a whole ancient clan of ninjas that can come back from the dead that want to do something terrible, and that's not something you can handle in a court of law.

[ There's a slight laugh from him, unamused as it may be. ]

Undead ninja clan. So, zombie ninjas.

[She doesn't doubt him, it's just a lot of a fucking sentence.]

It's definitely up there with "alien plague hivemind".

It might be a little under that, but, yeah, it's something.

[ And of course, the fact that he just likes being Daredevil. The Hand showing up almost did him a favour, pulling him out of his sham of a retirement. ]

They thought my ex was their messiah.

That's why you took the cowl back up? Or... because you felt guilty that it wasn't, like. You. That got picked to get fucked up.

I was trained to join a group of ninjas sworn to be the enemies of the other ninjas, so, no, I wasn't looking to get fucked up. And, no, I didn't end up joining the first group, either. Not really my scene.

[ But he does feel guilty that he couldn't save her, that they got her anyway, and that he survived again when they were supposed to die together. ]

Too cult-like for me.

[Okay that gets a scoff of surprise.]

Okay, genuine question. How many secret ninja clans in New York is too many?

[ And in turn, she gets a genuine sort of laugh. ]

One, definitely.

So did you get trained by the quote-unquote "good" ninjas before or after the zombie ninjas started shit?

It's my general understanding that The Hand - the zombie ones - have been up to a lot of bad things for a very, very long time. The Chaste was formed to oppose them and to serve the ultimate enemy of The Hand, the Iron Fist.

[ Which is also a whole other thing, but Matt's not here to talk about his friends. Talking about ancient ninja conflict is a good way of deflecting while still, in a way, talking about himself. ]

So not only are you basically a ninja, you're working with a literal ninja cult to fight zombies.

...I think you're coming out on top of alien plague hivemind right now. Do you wanna get a drink about this or something?

I could go for a drink.

[ Talking about it like this is all fun and games, but it makes him think about the very real people involved in it, and a drink would go a long way to wash that down. ]

And I told you, I'm not in the cult.

I didn't say you were. You didn't join, but you still worked with them.

Meet me on deck? I'll let us into the lounge.

Sure, I'll be up in a moment.

[ And once he catches up to her in person outside of the lounge, he feels the need to clarify - ]

I didn't really work with them, either.

[She doesn't bother waving, she doesn't actually know how much of her gestures he can detect, but she does relax a little when he does show up, and makes sure her footsteps land solidly as she leads the way upstairs.]

Well, you weren't working against them. Kinda sounds like an 'enemy of my enemy' sort of deal.

Sure, but they were also trying to kill my ex so the other team wouldn't recruit her.

[ Matt gives her an amused but somewhat rueful smirk. Hey, she wanted him to share, right? ]

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